The Socially Awkward "How Are You?" Part 2.

Those of you who read my first "Socially Awkward 'How are you?'" post know how much I loathe the phrase "How are you?". It is not a particularly disagreeable phrase, it just serves no purpose. Maybe there was a time when it did serve a purpose, but I doubt it. It is far more likely that the "How are you?" served a porpoise, as it is pretty useless in the English language. For us humans, it remains a small talk starter and conversation filler for those who want to tell you all about themselves.

Porpoises benefit greatly from the serving "How are you?" 

I do not use the phrase because I usually have no interest in your response or telling you about my day. If that sounds rude, it's because it is rude.

Having said this, you should know that I used it today. That's right everyone, Becca Clemens said "How are you?" after bashing it in her first ever blog post.

 I wish I could tell you that I have changed my ways forever. Or that Becca Clemens has joined the ranks of people who repeat socially acceptable phrases on a daily basis. Alas! I cannot. I am a trombonist, and therefore, you can count on me to mess everything up. Do you know what happened when I said "how are you?" today? Do you? I bet you don't.

You probably think that this happened.

Trombonist: "How are you?"
Person: "Great. I woke up this morning and got dressed and BLAHBLAHpicklesBLAHBLAHMr.GoodbarBLAHBLAH! How are you?"
Trombonist: "Good." *Walks away*

While that is a perfectly good example of a socially awkward trombonist conversation using "how are you?", it is not what I experienced.

I saw someone I knew sitting down in the direction I was headed. This person is a nice person that I don't know extremely well, but definitely someone who is nice enough to talk to. As I got closer, he said "Hi" and then I said "Hi" as a response.

And you cannot fathom what happened next.

WE SAID "HOW ARE YOU?" AT THE SAME TIME!

I really don't know what came over me. I guess the sun was in my eyes...

This led to neither of us giving a response and an awkward giggle. Then I continued to walk.

What was I supposed to do? Had I used my usual reply ("good"), I would have been answering my own question. Because we said "How are you?" at THE SAME TIME. THE SAME TIME! I couldn't answer myself could I?

I don't know what made me say the dreaded phrase. Maybe I wanted to appear nice and caring. Whatever the reason, my attempt at socially acceptable etiquette backfired. I would expect nothing less. But this pretty much seals my taboo on "How are you?". I gave it a few tries, and when my ear is not talked off, I have to experience excruciatingly awkward circumstances.

So some advice to the socially awkward trombonists out there:

Don't say "How are you?". Just get to the point. Be as awkward as you like, because the minute you decide to ask it, you will become even more of a social outcast.

-The Socially Awkward Trombone

P.S. Sorry I am so overdue. I feel like such a slacker. Must be the bass trombone. At least I drew a porpoise.