The Awkward and Unexpected Meeting

Unexpected meetings are some the most terrifying events for trombone players. Trombonists need time to prepare socially appropriate and engaging topics of conversation, because the ability to use small talk was never bestowed upon them. Generally, the unexpected meetings cause the trombone player to scramble for a conversation starter in the hopes that the conversation will be normal, but the conversation always comes back to topics that no one else wants to talk about.

The scenario and conversation:

A trombonist is walking happily down the street while listening to some Joseph Alessi. A quick glance upward reveals that an acquaintance of the trombonist is about 100 meters away and walking in the opposite direction. It is inevitable that they will pass each other soon. The trombonist waves and says hi, but realizes quickly that the distance between them is too large to have a comfortable conversation. Unfortunately, because the trombonist said "hi", the acquaintance is obliged to say "hi" back (see "The Socially Awkward "How are you?""). This starts an incredibly awkward long distance conversation that ends approximately when an adequate talking distance is finally reached.

80 Meters away
Trombonist(T): "Hi"
Acquaintance(A): "Hi"
70 Meters away
T: "Aren't we...having...uh....lovelyweathertoday?"
A: "It overcast and raining"
60 Meters away
T: "Right. Well, are you looking forward to the weekend?"
A: "It is the weekend."
50 Meters away
T: "Of course it is. How is your pet lobster?"
A: "I don't have a pet lobster."
40 Meters away
T: "Did you know that bagpipes were originally made out of the whole skin of a dead sheep?"
A: "What?"
30 Meters away
T: "Bagpipes. They were made out of dead sheep. Like your dead lobster. Only a sheep."
A: "I told you, I don't have a pet lobster."
20 Meters away
T: "Well yeah, I guess if he's dead..."
A: "I HAVE NEVER OWNED A LOBSTER."
10 Meters away
T: "Must have been someone else."
A: "Must have been."
Comfortable talking distance.
T: Awkward silence and continued walking.
A: Awkward silence and continued walking.


Upon experiencing this situation multiple times, the trombonist will (most of the time) develop a particular defense mechanism. This defense mechanism requires a change in walking posture. While most people walk with their head up and their eyes forward, trombonists learn to walk with their heads down. This technique keeps the trombonist from seeing an acquaintance because the pavement becomes the main focal point. It is incredibly effective because it weeds out the people who are difficult to talk to, and if an acquaintance decides to grab the trombonists attention it is because the acquaintance has something to say to the trombonist. This allows the conversation to run smoothly because the trombonist didn't pick the topic.

Now don't think that trombonists are the only people who have figured this out. Although trombonists have awkward conversations, there are many others who have learned how walk with a lean to avoid social disaster. To illustrate this, I made a diagram.

Understand?

-The Socially Awkward Trombone