Porpoises benefit greatly from the serving "How are you?" |
I do not use the phrase because I usually have no interest in your response or telling you about my day. If that sounds rude, it's because it is rude.
Having said this, you should know that I used it today. That's right everyone, Becca Clemens said "How are you?" after bashing it in her first ever blog post.
I wish I could tell you that I have changed my ways forever. Or that Becca Clemens has joined the ranks of people who repeat socially acceptable phrases on a daily basis. Alas! I cannot. I am a trombonist, and therefore, you can count on me to mess everything up. Do you know what happened when I said "how are you?" today? Do you? I bet you don't.
You probably think that this happened.
Trombonist: "How are you?"
Person: "Great. I woke up this morning and got dressed and BLAHBLAHpicklesBLAHBLAHMr.GoodbarBLAHBLAH! How are you?"
Trombonist: "Good." *Walks away*
While that is a perfectly good example of a socially awkward trombonist conversation using "how are you?", it is not what I experienced.
I saw someone I knew sitting down in the direction I was headed. This person is a nice person that I don't know extremely well, but definitely someone who is nice enough to talk to. As I got closer, he said "Hi" and then I said "Hi" as a response.
And you cannot fathom what happened next.
WE SAID "HOW ARE YOU?" AT THE SAME TIME!
I really don't know what came over me. I guess the sun was in my eyes...
This led to neither of us giving a response and an awkward giggle. Then I continued to walk.
What was I supposed to do? Had I used my usual reply ("good"), I would have been answering my own question. Because we said "How are you?" at THE SAME TIME. THE SAME TIME! I couldn't answer myself could I?
I don't know what made me say the dreaded phrase. Maybe I wanted to appear nice and caring. Whatever the reason, my attempt at socially acceptable etiquette backfired. I would expect nothing less. But this pretty much seals my taboo on "How are you?". I gave it a few tries, and when my ear is not talked off, I have to experience excruciatingly awkward circumstances.
So some advice to the socially awkward trombonists out there:
Don't say "How are you?". Just get to the point. Be as awkward as you like, because the minute you decide to ask it, you will become even more of a social outcast.
-The Socially Awkward Trombone
P.S. Sorry I am so overdue. I feel like such a slacker. Must be the bass trombone. At least I drew a porpoise.
porpoise.
ReplyDeleteftw.